Vladimir
Spivakovsky

New Year’s story. «All Inside.»

… Oh, so many people dream about it! So many people make a wish on New Year’s Eve and hope it will come true in the coming year… Is it possible that once it will become possible, because millions of people suffer «without it»?

And now it will be really easy. People just do not know that New Year begins not in Lapland, Santa Claus, Father Frost and Bukovel, but in New Zealand, where it comes first. It`s quite far, of course. But there, on the edge of the earth, real miracles can sometimes happen. It is enough to see how they present their map in Google — they are in the center, and all the other continents are in the backyard.

And the New Zealanders were lucky with the English language. It is their native language. They cannot understand why they are so lucky, that they have it, and 80% of the world’s population do not have it. And here, on the very edge of the universe they speak English fluently from birth.

This time we covered this huge distance to meet the New Year here in accordance with the tradition, and to make our modest contribution to the development of mankind.

Tell me, please, what should the rulers of 250 countries on the planet do, if on December 31 they have to say New Year’s greetings to their peoples, being totally cunning, wriggling, foxing, promising and always mistaking the wish for the reality?

The only way to avoid such a shame is to demonstrate something surprisingly unheard of, showing a cardinal turn of the trajectory, which will now be followed by civilization.

And we, our team, figured out how to make this turn. 24 hours before the clinking of the glasses we had to send out passwords to all new countries for this new trajectory.

The idea was fantastic and, frankly, unrealizable. But we have long been accustomed to operating with scanty chances of success, hoping for dashing luck and unrealizable miracles.

The first miracle we found in the New Zealand Maori tribe leader. Although we realized that few people would seriously, without laughter take this decision to include him in our team.

Once the whole world was excited by the story on television, where they showed how the Maori tribe was listed in the Guinness Book of Records for having the deepest memory on the planet. Not having a written language, they memorized the stories and legends of the universe in very little detail, passing them from generation to generation.

So, this strange leader was born with a rattling mixture of stunning skills — indigo-quantum-albino. He reads fast, speaks the languages that were not taught to him… His eyes sparkle brightly. Knowledge comes to him not from the outside, but from within. He simply «extracts» it.

And hardly had we arrived, when instead of feasting, he immediately took us to an observatory similar to the NASA flight control center, with a huge screen and two dozen flashing and winking computers. At the entrance there was a sign «All Inside.»

He realized his extraordinary abilities when he accidentally bit his own tongue in childhood, pronouncing the hateful English sound «th». It was the moment when he realized that he did not need to learn English. He already had it in his head, in the brain and in memory. There was just one question — how to get it out of there? How to activate it?

Can you imagine what it would look like if these genetic knowledge of English sleeping in us could be materialized! Then the layers of knowledge of all times and peoples would be in the access zone of any person at any age. Take it and use it.

The leaders of 250 countries expected from us information on this universal problem, preparing their New Year’s speeches and hoping that we will be able to do everything on time. But, alas … We could not imagine what horror and shame awaited us!

During three years of work at the Zurich laboratory, we managed to find out that just as there is a parade of planets (which stand on the same line every 20-30 years) there is also a brain parade. Simply, we are used to the fact that in most conversations, when talking about the mind and the brain, we mean the brain. But in fact, there is not just one brain, there are three of them: cerebrum, spinal cord and bone marrow.

And that is not all. In the midst of our trials, the famous brain researcher Bekhtereva suddenly said that … «it is not the brain that thinks». We all were confused: how can this not be the brain!? Then who??? «The brain,» she said, «is not a thinker, it’s just a server space».

After that, we understood how to extract invisible knowledge. And we flew to New Zealand to start a new knowledge trajectory from here. Can you imagine — no one will learn English. We already have it in our genetic memory. There is no need to load it into our brain, but, on the contrary, we should extract it from the depths of the brain.

Otherwise, how can there be those wunderkinds who after brain injuries speak unknown languages that have never been taught in their life?
No sooner had we put this hypothesis on the web, when all the famous academies of science and most of the Nobel laureates came down on us, calling us shamans and charlatans. Well, it stands to reason, what else can they say if they cannot solve such a simple problem, but only fill the air with words on.

On the other hand, they are Nobel laureates, and we are a handful of digital adventurers – looking for adventures for us and for people.

Well, okay … Almost everything was ready. If everything goes according to the plan, then it is necessary to decide whom to grant the honor — to proclaim our discovery to the whole world.

It turned out that Trump would have the loudest resonance today, as a huge attention is now focused on him. It is, of course, so, but this New Year Obama would have got all the cream. After all, the newly elected president will have the rights to lead the country and the world only after January 20.

Then we appealed to the UN. But we shouldn`t have done that. They told us that this organization is financed and lives on the account of the fact that no one understands anyone there, and it is not going to improve communications. And we will only ruin their business with our discovery.

Listening to these arguments, the Maori chided us for selling the kangaroo`s skin before one had caught the kangaroo. And he was right, because the system suddenly began to fail.

It turned out that we were not able to unite unmatchable parts of this puzzle: three systems of brain (cerebrum, spinal cord and bone marrow), irrational thinking of the indigo-quantum-albino and constant transcoding.

It often happens when you deal with a human factor. You get ancient knowledge out of this «factor» and the system, as luck would have it, jams. In our case it began to jam every other time.

The speechwriters of the presidents began to call with the claim that we had not met the deadline, and all the speeches had already been approved without our New Year’s discovery…

As if they have ever met programmers who meet the timeline. Well, okay, we’ll manage without the presidents.

We did not even need a brainstorming session to solve this problem immediately. Our request flew to Amazon: «We need 250 drones, for each of the countries of the planet, programmed to broadcast a special password.» It was quite funny: in the 21st century the presidents can be replaced with drones.

Have you ever seen fireworks that rise, hissing, skyward, and there dozens of similar ones bud off from them? And every new shell produces dozens of children, and they do the same expanding the colorful space.

Instead of the fireworks we had drones. One flew up and hundreds of others flew out of it, and then again. And each of them sent down a password to each person. Everything is very simple.

There were only a few hours left before the New Year. And although we did not get into the presidential speeches, we, most likely, got into the coolest media.

And it happened this way. There was excitement on Facebook with millions of reposts. People did not understand what to do with our signals and where to get this damn password. There were those who was hysterical in the networks and those who were waiting for confirmation from CNN. But everyone already understands how cool it would be to have such a service-application-option. You press the button and you know English with a classic Yorkshire accent.

And finally, the drones above us took off, remained in limbo and started sending out the password. How happy we were when we saw the happiness of the first people who received this magic password «All Inside».

The passwords spread over Japan, China, Mongolia, Iran, Emirates, Turkey, Ukraine, Germany, Spain …

However, an hour later the first complaints appeared. The entered password did not generate language knowledge, and nothing supernatural happened with most people. We panicked.

It proceeded to get worse. Some people, having received the code, were completely at a loss and confusion, and generally forgot everything they knew.

Rare reports that it «worked» for someone did not add to our optimism. We turned the system upside down, the drones continued to fly and to report people good news which immediately turned into a continuous irritation and anger of the majority.

It turned out that we, the simple naive guys, had not taken into account that hackers hunt for people like us with a special drive. Moreover, perhaps not everyone in the world was happy about our discovery.

I was rushing from screen to screen, remembering the main rule of business: always press the last millimeter!.. But how can you press it if the system constantly crashes? We started to choose desperately whether to break everything down or to postpone the launch of «all inside» until next New Year.

And then suddenly there was a phone call. The girl introduced herself. She was from the BBC and she began her ardent speech so unexpectedly that we were stupefied.

«You are real heroes,» she said, «we know you. While you are there, in New Zealand, setting up your tools, the whole world has frozen in anticipation of a miracle. You are really committing a revolution of human knowledge and consciousness … It’s not that we, the English … After all, in the right way, it was England that had to try to make English accessible for everyone, since it is our country that is responsible for English in the world.

And instead we just replicate musty Oxford textbooks, selling them to the unfortunate schoolchildren.

We bring millions of international students to our red-brick colleges for expensive several-week courses, constantly dissembling that it is possible to learn our language during this time.

But it’s also us, — she strained, — now admitting her historical oversight, involved thousands of programmers, including military men and intelligence service MI-5, so that they could find and ban your hackers so that your idea could get a life and help the humanity.

A second later she added: The English Queen will now speak with you. And our worldwide service BBC will start this unprecedented broadcast to the whole world. You did this job instead of us.

Our mind almost grew dull with this news. So I do not remember what the queen said. Only her last words were important, which she asked to add to our password.

We immediately reprogrammed the access code. Thank God, if nothing fails this time, then the era of long-suffering learning of English will end in the whole world. Isn`t it the thing that millions of people are dreaming about, just a second — and you know all of a sudden. And this incredible dream will come true starting from this New Year!

We looked at the sky. Hundreds of thousands of drones consistently activated the marvelous matrix of a person’s genetic knowledge and materialized it. And in addition to the basic password «all inside», an access code of three magic words flew into the world space:

“Happy New Year!”.

And all the inhabitants of the Earth, jumping and dancing around the New Year tree, exclaimed in a single impulse: Happy New Year!!!

And they did it with the purest Yorkshire accent.
= = = = = = = = = =
… Aftertaste.

Thanks to my favorite readers that they did not rush in the impulse of computer and anthropological passion to measure the probability of brain work activation and the knowledge space materialization. Together with me they were just dreaming about distant countries, unexplored human possibilities and magic passwords-codes.

Happy New Year, my dear friends! I wish you sincere comfort, festive mood, good luck in business and endless luck